dear ramona,
sweet girl, you are growing before our eyes. you are so tall and strong and able. overnight, it seems, you are suddenly able to tell me many of your needs: i’m thirsty, i’m hungry, i have to go potty, i’m tired, i’m happy. in addition to this making life a little easier for mama and papa, it also makes you more independent. since you are so good at communicating you have more time to go do the stuff you want!
you are figuring out more and more how to do things yourself, get what you want/need quicker, and explore on your own. we’ve always let you do your own investigating but now your boundaries are bigger. you go down to the basement to play by yourself at your kitchen or with your dollies. you climb through the doggy door and dance around in the grass w otto while i cook lunch. we always know where you are but now we get to give you much more space so you can continue to grow in your confidence and independence in your own abilities.
i love you, big girl. love, mama.
dear bug,
i am 17 weeks. we heard your heartbeat again this week at maren’s office. it thrills me every time. i can feel you moving — though distinguishing between gas bubbles and little baby kicks is still something of a challenge. i know, soon enough, your movements will be undeniable.
all of this is a relief to me since, at 5.5 weeks, i experienced a lot of bleeding. sitting at the dining room table on july 17 i felt something odd. in the bathroom i discovered my worst fear: there was bright red blood when i wiped. there was so much i didn’t think anything else besides that i was miscarrying. i called papa and nona. papa came home right away and nona just sat with me on the phone being a listening ear to my wails. resigning ourselves to this loss, your papa and i went out with a bang the next evening to celebrate our five year anniversary: an intense reflexology foot massage, martinis, wine, yummy italian food.
the next morning, commenting to someone (who has experienced far more losses of life in the womb than is right for anyone) that my bleeding had stopped and it was so weird how uneventful a miscarriage was, i was asked if i thought that maybe i didn’t miscarry. the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind. so after confirmation from my midwife that intense bleeding can happen and the pregnancy can still be viable, i went to urgent care for an ultrasound. there you were, miracle baby, thrill-giver. all gestational and yolk sac. full of promise of life. but no guarantees.
another ultrasound two weeks later allowed us to breathe out, finally, a sigh of relief: a heartbeat. it was safe to be cautiously optimistic. and we’ve only grown more so with every check-up and strong heartbeat and flutters in mama’s belly. nothing is guaranteed. nothing is certain. our breath will be always a little withheld until the day you arrive. and even then, we will continue to worry and to fret and to hope big hopes for you and your life and your development.
little bug, we love you. every single little itty bitty part of you that is growing strong and big as can be in my tummy until the day you arrive.
love, mama.
what mama wore: vince shirt || mossimo tank from target (i own a bajillion of these) || gap maternity jeans || frye carson flats (the best damn black flats i ever did own)
as a child, during trips to my grandparents’ home in florida, my grandfather had a fairy that put tootsie rolls in his desk drawer. the grandkids checked the drawer at least once a day. and what a treat it was to find the little rolls waiting for us. how cool that my grandfather had access to a magical being that would be so thoughtful and generous. when the rolls stopped showing up, i’m not sure i thought much of it. perhaps the fairy forgot or didn’t know we were there. and then i got older and didn’t think of it at all. years later, when i watched my parents do the same thing, i remembered the tootsie rolls in the desk drawer, and fondly realized that the fairy was my grandfather.
my parents have a similar arrangement for their grandkids. in their spacious backyard is a big, old tree. and they’ve let a little pixie build her home there, complete with a rather sturdy wood door leading to her abode. the pixie leaves tiny sweet treats and seashells and small coins for the visiting grandkids. without fail, the older ones head out there directly, which keeps the pixie on her toes and ensures she’s got a full stash of goodies so she never runs out. ramona’s older cousins made sure she was initiated into these treasure hunts on our july visit to minneapolis. she was delighted.
and a handful of years from now, the pixie will most likely stop leaving treats and ramona will wonder, aloud or to herself, why the pixie decided to stop. and then she’ll forget about the pixie. and then, when she has children of her own, it’ll all make beautiful, whimsical sense. and that’s when jp and i will be figuring out a way to leave small tokens of love for our grandchildren.
what special secrets do you do your parents do for your little ones? or do you do for them? what memories do you have of ways your grandparents made your visits extra special?
today’s toiletry tuesday is brought to you by me dear friend, seabron, a skin-care professional who also happens to be the woman who gave me my first bikini wax(!). her skin is flawless–think porcelain doll with perfectly pink cheeks. and while some of it may be genetic, she’s also been diligent about taking good care of it and educating others on how to do the same. i invited her here to share some of her secrets on accessible, everyday ways we can (and should!) be taking care of our skin. take it away, seabron…
Since becoming a skin care therapist, I have loved learning about how we can keep our skin looking young without invasive procedures. A huge component of this is making sure we choose ingredients in our products that combat the very things that make our skin age. Here are five reasons why our skin ages and five all-star anti-aging ingredients you should look for when choosing your products.
1. free radicals || ingredient that works: green/white tea || Dermalogica Antioxidant Hydramist
Free radicals are unstable molecules that have lost an electron. To make up for the lost electron, they steal one from other nearby molecules leading to a cascade of oxidative damage that ultimately leads to early aging. It’s like an apple slice being left on a counter; over several hours we see it turn brown due to oxygen exposure. Antioxidants are able to stabilize free radicals by donating the missing electron to the molecule. Green and white teas have a huge concentration of polyphenols that quench free radicals.
2. slow cell renewal and turnover || ingredient that works: lactic acid || Philosophy Miracle Worker Miraculous Anti-Aging Lactic Acid Cleanser
We start to lose 1% of our collagen from our dermis (the deepest layer of skin) every year after age 30. In addition to that (as if it’s not sad enough) our cell turnover slows down. Slow cell turnover leads to a buildup of dead skin cells and gives us a dull lackluster appearance. Lactic acid is able to dissolve the “glue” that holds the dead cells together, effectively exfoliating them off. Lactic acid is also less irritating than other alpha-hydroxy acids (like glycolic acid) and inhibits melanin to reduce the appearance of age or sun spots.
3. slowed collagen synthesis || ingredient that works: retinol || Image Ageless Total Retinol A Crème
I like to use the mattress analogy when thinking about collagen. When we are young, our mattress is plump, has resistance and is even on the surface. As we age, collagen and elastin get cross-linked and production slows down resulting in a lumpy uneven mattress (think: wrinkles). Retinol is derived from Vitamin A and when applied topically, activates collagen-producing fibroblasts in our dermis.
4. dehydration || ingredient that works: hyaluronic acid || Dermae Hydrating Night Crème with Hyaluronic Acid
Dehydration is a simple lack of water in our skin. When our skin is dehydrated it may feel tight, rough and become easily irritated and inflamed. There are many people who think they have “sensitive skin” who are mistaking that uncommon skin condition for chronic dehydration. I see dehydrated skin in 4 out of 5 clients (this dry Colorado climate is partly to blame!) Hyaluronic Acid holds 1000 times its weight in water, plumping the deeper tissues in our dermis and keeping that hydration there. (editor’s note: i have the day creme pictured above. the night creme looks exactly the same. i didn’t catch it until publication and i’m not changing it so deal).
5. sun exposure || ingredient that works: sunscreen || CeraVe Broad Spectrum Face Lotion SPF 50
This. Is. So. Important. It does not matter what the weather is like or if you’re going to be inside all day, or if you think you don’t have a tendency to burn. You must wear sunscreen. Unfortunately, incidences of skin cancer are going up and it is our duty to pass on healthy sun habits to our friends, family and younger generations. Physical sunscreens use natural minerals (like zinc and titanium) to block and reflect UVA and UVB rays on the surface of the skin. Chemical sunscreens act as a sponge, absorbing rays and converting them to less damaging radiation. Chemical sunscreens are fine if tolerated well, but are more likely to irritate the skin and are not immediately active (they take about 20 minutes to start working). Whatever you choose, make sure it says “broad spectrum” and get out there and practice safe sun!
seabron works at m.pulse at the cherry creek. if your skin needs a pick-me-up, contact them for an appointment and request seabron!
dear little bug,
it’s been 16 weeks since you’ve been brewing! this pregnancy, little one, is in some ways so different than what i experienced with your big sister but also so so similar. you both knocked me on my butt for a solid eight weeks during the first trimester. you made me tired and exhausted and unable to eat my usual foods or go a day without dry heaving — a symptom of pregnancy that is your papa’s least favorite thing to deal with.
but miss ramona, your big sister, she keeps me busy. and does her darndest, consciously or otherwise, to keep me distracted from you. sometimes i forget i am pregnant, little bug. each day is go, go, go with ramona (you’ll soon discover). and so i must remember to take moments on the couch when i’m reading with miss mo, or during nap time, or lying still before bedtime, to spend some time with you, to feel you wiggle and flip inside me, to send good vibes your way with a gentle hand on my belly, and deliver fresh air to you via deep, meaningful breaths. you are a great excuse to seek mindfulness in the everyday.
it’s how it is: the second child not necessarily getting the documentation which could be afforded with the first one. but, sweet child, i was also the baby of the family, and so i intend to remember these moments with you in my belly, and then with you as a newborn, as vividly as i can. i want to be able to pass on sweet sweet memories to you.
16 weeks? we’re not even halfway there yet. but we’ve heard your heartbeat and i’ve felt you move. and my tummy is slowly but surely moving into the baby bump stage. right now, it’s debatable what’s baby and what’s just some extra padding i procured in between being pregnant with your sister and you. no matter. i’ll embrace it. i’m growing with you!
i love you, little bug. love, mama
|| wool cardigan: j.crew || maternity/nursing top: RoundBellies (thanks, mama!) || jeans: gap || shoes: frye ||
here is me at 16 weeks pregnant with miss ramona bean.
readers, what are your favorite pair of maternity jeans? here i’m wearing gap, but i bought them in a smaller size than i’m used to so they wouldn’t fall off my ass, but now i’m afraid it’s going to make my midsection suffer later. also, i bought a camera remote. here are some outtakes.
welcome
