nine months

beanie boo,

you are becoming quite the little lady! you are eating almost anything almost all the time. almost. you are crawling, pulling yourself up on furniture, standing, moving along the furniture, making so many noises, clapping, singing, smiling, laughing, and peek-a-boo-ing.

i recently told everyone you won’t take a pacifier but guess what?! you do now and, quite honestly, i’m super happy about it. it helps you fall asleep for your naps easier (long gone are the days that you nurse to sleep) and i think they help you nap longer. you only get to have a pacifier at nap time and bed time or in the bike trailer (which you still sorta freak out about) and we never substitute it for nursing or feeding you. either way, it’s been a lifesaver. after you nurse, i plop the pacifier in and hold you to my chest and you snuggle into my neck and we both relax. the transition into bed is usually seamless, even if you’re a little awake. you may not sleep thorough the night–not even close–but thanks for making sleeping time relatively painless.

i am having so much fun watching you grow and hanging out with you. though i am finally getting what other parents mean when they say “it gets harder.” you are becoming independent, which means you can play on your own or with max or go exploring around the house or yard. but with this independence comes opinions and awareness of likes and dislikes and the desire to communicate these with those around you. so you go back and forth from being totally content on your own to so so needy. it’s fine and i embrace it but you certainly have my head spinning. the old tricks don’t always work and we’re always looking for new ways to get you comfy. but when you smile and snuggle, oh it makes it all worth it!

gone are the days where just anyone can hold you. you have a case of “stranger danger” and if i’m around i’m the only arms you want to be in. this, of course, breaks a lot of hearts since you have a large fan base. however, given time to warm up to someone, you are a little ham. you clap on cue (and much much more on your own) and you stick out your tongue and PFSSST and even the shortest game of peekaboo makes you squeal with delight. you love to crawl into laps and scooch around on your tush moving 360 degrees. when papa comes home you usually meet him in the front yard and you kick your feet and giggle and smile at him. this makes him feel so so good. you even wave and one time you said “Hi!” and waved to some stranger that walked in the door at Crema. It was undeniable but you haven’t said it since that i’ve heard.

more and more, as you get older, my relationship with you makes me think of my relationship with nona. soon after you were born, i was on the phone w nona and i remember saying: “i had no idea how much you love me.” ramona, you have no idea how much i love you. and that’s ok. and i’m really starting to get it, this mother/daughter thing and all its ups and downs. i understand how it is possible for us to one day be the best of friends and also the worst enemies. and how you’ll want to tell me everything but also nothing. and im getting how, that through it all, no matter what, no matter who you are or who you become, or who you fall in love with, or how you succeed or fail, or how you dress or what you say or believe: i will be unable to not love you. i mean, heaven forbid i ever try, but i see how it is impossible to diminish this love i have for you, daughter.

peanut sitting on a railroad track. heart was all a flutter. round the bend comes number ten. choo! choo! peanut butter.

i love you. love, mama.

*see ramona at other months: eight, six, four, two, one, birth.*